Several months ago I inquired about the midwifery education program that was being developed for Mount Royal in Calgary. Today, I got an email with this information:

"Mount Royal University has, in consultation with midwifery stakeholders and regulators, developed a 4-year Bachelor of Midwifery Program proposal that has been moved through the academic approval process of MRU and is now with the Ministry of Advanced Education for review."

I really can't imagine starting all over now, but I will continue to check in and see how this new program development is progressing.

I saw New Moon! It was a really great movie, just over two hours long. I ate too much popcorn and my butt was numb from sitting so long, but it was worth it! Kim and I were at the theater by about 6:20, doors opened at 6:30 and we waited for the movie to start at 7 o'clock.

I'm supposed to be reading "Still Alice" for my book club, but I don't think I will be able to resist re-reading "Breaking Dawn" tonight ;-)

Julia's 8th birthday today!  Early this morning she crept into my room and snuggled beside me in my bed as I read my book.  I put my arm around her and told her, "Eight years ago from right now you were snuggled in beside me just like this."  Her birth was my first home birth, the second child we had hoped and prayed for, our first rainbow baby after losing a baby early in the pregnancy two years before.  She had a gentle, quiet birth, she was cloth diapered, we delayed her (selective) vaccinations, she was breastfed for nearly three years, she slept with us for nearly two, she was loved and adored by all.  She stresses me, loves me, tests me, and teaches me.

Today, we celebrated her birth for the 9th time, 8 years of birthdays plus her first Birth Day celebration just a few hours after she joined us on dry land.

 

There's been so much talk in the media about H1N1; the deaths, the children at risk, it's scary and crazy-making.  All the pressure and propaganda reminds me of when I was pregnant with Charlotte; so much pressure to make a decision that would be based on fear rather than what my instincts tell me.  I thought that once Charlotte was safely born that I wouldn't have to make decisions like that again, but here we are.  Do I immunize Charlotte becaues I'm afraid that she will get swine flu and die?  Or do I trust my instincts and not immunize and hope that all is well.  Either way, I feel damned, like it's a no-win situation.  I'm not writing this to open a debate about whether to get the vaccine or not, it's just one of the reasons that my grief feels fresh again.  I've been through one of a parent's worst nightmares; I've buried one child, I do not want to bury another.

And we've just had one holiday, another holiday, when Abby's absence was felt.  No chance to dress her up and take her trick or treating.  These thoughts are like little pin-pricks that I feel as I go about carving pumpkins, choosing costumes, and decorating for halloween with my living children.  Each holiday, each time we take part in an annual family celebration, I feel these pin-pricks, these reminders of all we've lost with Abby.  It hurts, but it doesn't stop me from carrying on.

And today is All Saints Day, a day to honour the dead.  I wanted to go to the cemetery but never made it there.  I feel guilty for that.  For several days I've been wanting to go out and be near Abby but Life gets in the way and I just never get there.  Soon.  Very soon.

Julia's birthday is coming up and I'm busy making preparations for her party; more pin-pricks knowing that Abby is not here for her own birthday parties :-/  Kim's birthday is next month, then Christmas, more celebrations, more pin-pricks.

My grief feels painfully fresh lately, but stuffed down and ignored because of all the other things that need my attention.   For a long time after Abby died, I felt a desperate need to hold her, to touch her.  After three years that desire is still there, but my rational mind has begun to convince me that I just can't touch her, I can't hold her.   The memories of her death, her days at home and her funeral seem so clear lately, as if they just happened.

Charlotte is galloping like a horse, doing laps from one end of the basement to the other.  Jack is washing blue glitter hair spray out of Julia's hair, and I'm still trying to warm up from trick or treating.  We took the kids out before supper and left Kim in charge of handing out snacks from our house; in four hours we've had four kids.  Yes, four.  The weather actually changed this afternoon and it was quite nice by the time we went out, so it wasn't nasty weather that kept kids at home.  Oh well, more juice boxes and crackers for us I guess.

It was fun to take the little girls out trick or treating; Julia was so excited, and Charlotte eventually figured out that she had to open her bag and say thank you each time we went to a house.  They were both very polite and had fun!  Just before we headed out, we had a little boy with a gruesome mask come to our door; Charlotte was terrified, screamed like she was being murdered as she scrambled to get away from the door.  I thought for sure that Charlotte would be too afraid to head out, but she was fine as long as daddy was nearby :-)

 

Before I tackled supper preparations, I quickly mixed up a batch of pumpkin oatmeal muffins to take with me tomorrow.  We're doing a looooong meeting with a potluck afterwards so this will be part of my contribution.  The other half of my contribution will be a turkey shepherd's pie, made with ground turkey, stuffing, and veggies.  I'm going to make two smallish dishes of it, one to take with me and one to leave for Jack and the Littles for supper tomorrow night.  Yummay!


 

I started watching 100 Huntley Street tonight and there was a segment about a Canadian obstetrician who is in Uganda "saving mothers" who are risking birth out of hospitals.  *gasp*   They showed a TBA who had a pinard, a dilapidated birth bed, and some medication (pit?) that the doctors was concerned about because it wasn't refrigerated.  They made a point of saying that women's lives could be saved if they could just get to a hospital and have the care of a physician.

I admire the work of doctors who are helping to improve health care for women, who are trying to improve the mortality rate for women and their babies, but don't trash the idea of TBA's with years of experience.  Not every woman needs a hospital.  How about equipping these TBA's with supplies and equipment that will improve birth outcomes, keep them in their own communities serving the women nearby!?  On the website they mention the importance of having a "skilled birth attendant" at their delivery, but how about improving conditions for local TBA's instead of pouting about the poor roads and the distance to the hospitals.

That part of the story just ticked me off.  I must be tired.



 

I started reading Lady's Hands, Lion's Heart last night and I couldn't put it down.  I'm halfway done the book already.  I've read plenty of books and stories about midwives in the 60's, 70's and 80's and it usually makes me envious, wishing it was as simple now as it was back then.